Sunday, January 13, 2008
Cephalopodalocephalism!
Octopuses (not “octopi” - I looked it up) are horrible, horrible things. They are smart, versatile and utterly alien - they have three hearts, blue blood and a distributed central nervous system. Creepy. Plus, some are among the most poisonous creatures on earth: a blue-ringed octopus the size of a golf ball contains enough venom to kill two dozen adult humans in minutes.
Even worse: the mimic octopus, which can disguise itself as other fish, and the shapeshifting octopus, which can change not only its color (an ability of all octopuses) but its texture as well, to do a damned fine impression of a coral reef, rock or other inanimate object.
The main thing is that, in addition to all of these horrible things - and rumors of worse yet, such as the electrical octopus - they are really smart. They can crack combination locks, recognize and distinguish between 2-dimensional shapes (the foundational behavior of reading), and have demonstrated the ability to learn by observing others.
And when they rise up against us, we will be helpless. We cannot simply brain them, as we would the zombies - two thirds of their neurons are in their arms. And unlike the robots, we will not simply disable them by presenting them with a logical paradox. And there will be no mercy; they do not nurture their young and are not gregarious with other adults of their species, and thus have no concept of mercy.
They are horrible fleshy sacs of hate. So, of course, I had to draw a man with an octopus for a head.
